I am one of those who always had a boyfriend and I liked it better that way. It was an easy out when someone was hitting on me - which was often. Yikes, I sound full of myself. I attract people in general because I am high energy, fit, smiley, and kind to almost everyone. Of course there are some men (and women) in my past who would disagree and I am ok with that.

Throughout my college and post-college I have heard time and time again “how do you do it all?” or at work I am known as the person who gets stuff done - I mean doesn’t everyone? The secret is, I never think that I get enough done. It took me a long time to figure out that the only person who knows that I am not getting everything done, is me.

Even though I always seemed to be getting stuff done I always seemed to miss something. For example, it came to my attention that I was not dressing feminine anymore so I spent an entire year focused on how to “be a girl”. It worked and I started to get attention again, which was great but I was not getting attention from the one person I wanted it from, and that was the downward trend of my first marriage.

I always said divorce was not an option, so I tried everything and focused on taking responsibility for what I could control, my actions. I continued to work on myself, my physique, making more money at work, lining up services and school for our autistic son, tried new things in the bedroom, kept the house clean and organized, continued to think about our dream of owning a business, and tried to be a supportive wife. The problem was I buried parts of me as I was trying to fit into what he wanted to make our marriage work. ProTip:don't do that.

I tried to fix myself and our marriage for 5 years, unfortunately after 10 years of marriage and 16 total years together it was over and I was on a mission to not repeat my mistakes.

I took ownership for my role in the marriage not working, reflected, and made a promise to myself that was not going to happen again. I needed a framework that would keep me grounded with all of the roles I play and the characteristics that make me uniquely exceptional. Working on myself was the key step to being ready to be in another relationship.

Just a taste of the roles:
Queen - a well organized home, free from clutter
Matriarch - be strong, parenting is not for the weak
Athlete - build confidence, sleep naked
Entrepreneur - future proof my financial situation
Goddess - build desire and be open minded
Angel - be kind and take action
Corporate Leader - be a good leader and build good leaders

If you are going to go through a life changing event like divorce, don’t let it go to waste without deep reflection, taking ownership, and build back better.